Fanfiction Corner : No Title (Part 3)

Changmin is his last visitor.

Changmin sits on the park swing, Yoochun sits on the ground amongst the red maple leaves.

Autumn has always spelled loneliness of Yoochun. He remembers autumns in America; the other kids playing, jumping into the piles of leaves and giggling. He never joined in, just sat on the porch watching the burnt-red leaves drift slowly to meet the ground.

He'd told a single leaf, the only one left on the entire tree to hang in there, once, when he'd believed that it was clinging onto the branch with all its might.

Now, he wonders if the leaf had liked staying on the tree. Maybe, maybe it'd wanted to join the others on the ground - death meant nothing compared to being alone, being the only one left behind and watching everyone else walk away from you while you can only stand and stare, unable to move, to chase them and yell, "wait for me!"

"Do you miss us?" Changmin asks, never the subtle one.

Yoochun's laugh is hollow. "How could I not, Changmin-ah?"

"I'm sorry."

Yoochun doesn't know if Changmin is apologising for his lack of tack, or for abandoning him, so he shrugs and lets it go.

Yoochun falls asleep not long after that, the light breeze and the taste of autumn on his tongue having some sort of effect on his eyelids.

When he wakes up, the sky is dark and a glance at his watch tells him that it is eleven PM.

He stands up, brushing leaves off his jeans, and then he registers that Changmin is gone, Changmin isn't there anymore.

There is a strange jerking sensation at his heart - it feels like it's falling, the kind of feeling you get when you sit on roller-coasters.

He wanders the streets until he finds a familiar shadow lurking at the steps leading to the underground passage near their apartment.

"Changmin-ah!" Yoochun yells.

Changmin turns, his eyes bright in the dark.

Yoochun runs and so does Changmin, the youngest bandmember's long legs sprinting down the steps.

"Stay there, hyung!" Changmin shouts back, his voice echoing around the passageway.

"Why?" Yoochun asks, his throat tight and fingers clenched.

"Hyung, I don't want you to see me go." Changmin's voice is quiet, but for some reason Yoochun can still hear him.

"Close your eyes, hyung."

Yoochun obeys with something that feels like trepidation (like he doesn't want to let go).

The wind is harsh, cold, biting into his skin, and when he opens his eyes again, there is nothing left in the passageway to mark the fact that Shim Changmin had once been there.

Yoochun makes his way back to the apartment slowly, feet tripping over invisible obstacles and eyes swollen.

Seoul at midnight is still busy, noisy music drifting to his ears whenever a drunk person stumbles out of a club.

When he finally reaches the door, his hand pausing on the doorknob, he realises that there's nothing inside the apartment left waiting for, and he ends up curling on the doorstep and waiting for morning to arrive.

Something hard hits his head, and Yoochun wakes up.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Jaejoong says, smiling.

Yunho tuts, "Why didn't you go in? It isn't safe for you to sleep outside!"

Junsu picks up the soccer ball he'd thrown at Yoochun's head and whispers something to Changmin, who cracks up.

Yunho unlocks the door, pushes Yoochun inside. Jaejoong grabs Yoochun's hand and steers him to sit on the couch.

Changmin and Junsu sit at both sides of Yoochun, while Yunho and Jaejoong go into the kitchen.

"Why are you guys here?" Yoochun says in mock-anger.

"Because we miss you," Junsu says at the same time as Changmin says, "Because you're an idiot and we thought you were going to off yourself."

Junsu clamps a head over Changmin's mouth. Changmin bites Junsu, who lets go immediately and yelps, wiping his hand on the couch.

"Now there's Min's saliva on the couch, you dumbass." Yoochun complains.

"Stop fighting!" Yunho sticks his head out of the kitchen with a glare.

"Yes, leader-sshi." Changmin says, an innocent look on his face.

Yunho nods, satisfied, and goes back to talking to Jaejoong.

"Devil," Junsu admonishes Changmin.

"Like you're incredibly pure, Angel Xiah." Changmin pokes Junsu's ribs.

Junsu does his trademark angel pose. Changmin clobbers his head with a cushion. Yoochun watches them fight with the biggest grin on his face.

"Breakfast!" Jaejoong shouts as he brings a plate of pancakes from the ktichen.

There is a mad scramble for the dining table and Jaejoong hits all their hands trying to reach for their food.

"Be patient." Jaejoong says, as he serves all of them an equal portion.

They talk while eating, slipping back into their normal routine as if this is normal - four ghosts and a human sitting around eating pancakes.

Yoochun says Jaejoong's cooking is the best in the world, Jaejoong tells him not to let his umma hear that.

Jaejoong and Changmin have a squabble over the maple syrup, and Yunho tells them to take their one-touches somewhere far away from the dining table.

Junsu and Yoochun share a smile, and Yoochun wishes this could last forever.

Yoohwan calls in the middle of their game of Monopoly.

"Yeah, Yoohwan?" Yoochun says into the phone.

"You're bankrupt!" Changmin announces gleefully to Yunho.

"Did I hear Changmin-hyung's voice?" Yoohwan asks suspiciously.

Yoochun says hastily, "I was um... watching some of our old home videos."

"You're coming back tonight, right?" Yoohwan says.

"Yeah. After midnight."

"Couldn't you come back earlier? Umma wants you home for dinner. It's New Year's tomorrow."

Yoochun winces. He'd been so caught up with everything he'd forgotten the dates. "Tell her I have some things to... take care of."

Yoohwan agrees and hangs up.

"Yunho-hyung's broke!" Changmin tells Yoochun after he puts down the phone.

"I'm the richest so far!" Jaejoong grins.

"How about you donate some of that pile to me?" Yunho tries to grab a note from Jaejoong's colourful stack.

Jaejoong shoves his hand away, and Yunho pouts.

Jaejoong wins the game, and suggests they go to the beach for the day.

If you put the five members of Dong Bang Shin Ki together, their childishness can win five pre-school kids.

They play catching on a secluded beach, toes slipping in the sand and laughter filling the air and Yoochun's heart.

Yoochun shoves Jaejoong into the salty water, and Jaejoong drags him into the sea as well, the cold water making the two of them shiver and race out of the sea as the other three laugh until they collapse onto the sand.

Jaejoong's eyes have a wicked glint, and when he mouths "get them", they tug and pull and push until all five of them are soaking wet and laughing even though their teeth are chattering in the icy-cold breeze.

The rest force Yoochun to get changed out of his wet clothes ("we can't get sick anyway," Changmin said logically).

They sit on the sand watching the Sun disappear into the sea, the sky painted with all sorts of colourful shades.

"Afterglow," Junsu comments.

They sing Hug together. Yoochun is reminded of pre-debut days, of walking into a meeting room with four complete strangers and flashing a nervous smile. Of clinging to each other's hands, sweaty and shaking, before their debut performance. Of winning their first award, tears of happiness.

They've walked so far together, and Yoochun wants to ask God, if you're really there, why are you doing this to me, to us, to everyone out there?

Yoochun wonders if this is the last time they get to sing this song together. Yoochun wonders if he will ever sing this song again.

"TVXQ Survival Quiz." Junsu says, his voice a little strange due to his blocked-up nose. "Who was the first one to cry the last day Dong Bang Shin Ki was together?"

They all write Park Micky Yoochun into the sand except Jaejoong, who argues that he was crying in the heart once again, and earns tearful whacks from the others.

Jaejoong had thought to bring sparklers, and they stick them into the sand to form TVXQ! and set the beach ablaze with light.

When the sparklers die out, and the beach dims again, Yoochun thinks that this is the exact representation of his life before, during, and after Dong Bang Shin Ki.

I can't live without you, Yoochun writes on the sand.

Junsu is the only one who sees, and he holds Yoochun's hand while Yoochun's tears drip onto the sand.

"Someone said, 'the point of meeting is for the eventual goodbye'."

"Who said that?" Junsu asks, looking at Changmin.

"Me." Changmin says loftily.

Yoochun throws sand into his hair.

"Well," Jaejoong says. "I say, 'goodbyes mark new beginnings, which means we'll meet again'."

Love, Yoochun thinks, is like a drug. You get a dose of it and you crave more and more, your world brimming over with explosions of colour. And when you lose it, when you can't get any more of it, your world reverts back to its black-and-white like before.

Except that this time, you've gotten so used to the technicolour the black-and-white is even worse, leaving your world even duller than before.

Yoochun wonders if he can smash all the clocks in the world, just to stop time, just so the four of them won't leave, leave him alone all over again.

Midnight is inching closer with every tear, every smile, every laugh, every beat of Yoochun's heart.

"Don't go." Yoochun whispers finally.

"Do you think we don't want to stay?" Yunho says, eyes worried.

"Then stay!"

"We can't, Yoochun, we just can't." Junsu's voice cracks.

"I hate all of you." Yoochun says.

"We love you." Changmin says.

Yoochun cries, clinging onto all their shirts like an abandoned puppy, desperate for them to take him along, wherever they go to, whenever, forever.

When fireworks explode on the other end of the beach, the bright sparks shooting up into the sky and then tumbling down again, Yoochun's breathing stops.

He's holding onto nothing but air, but when he opens his hand, a sheet of paper flutters out.

"Take care, we love you! 4/5 of TVXQ!"

"Happy New Year." Yoochun says.

Happy New Year to another year with Dong Bang Shin Ki (except this time, their existence is in your hearts).

Yoochun finishes the song.

He throws away all his drafts, every copy of his lyrics and notes until all that's left of the music is in his mind.

Credits:www.aeriagames.com
Fanfic by Yomi Asoda